Positive Self-Talk
By
Joe Love One of the most powerful influences on
your attitude and personality is what you say to yourself. It is
not what happens to you, but how you respond internally to what
happens to you, that determines your thoughts, feelings, and
your actions. By controlling your inner dialogue, or your “self
talk,” you can begin to assert control over every part of your
life.
Your self-talk determines the majority of your emotional
life. The words that you use to describe what is happening to
you, and how you feel about external events, will trigger the
emotions of happiness or unhappiness that you experience. When
you see things positively and you look for the good in every
situation and in each person, you will become a very positive
and optimistic person. Since the quality of your life is
determined by how you feel moment to moment, you should make it
a habit to only think and talk about what you want and keep your
mind off of what you don’t want.
You are constantly faced with challenges, difficulties, and
problems every day of your life. They are unavoidable and one of
the inevitable parts of being human. But as you draw upon your
resources to respond effectively to each challenge, you grow and
become a stronger person. When you look back over your life,
you’ll see that you are the kind of person that you are because
of all the difficulties and problems that you have had to
overcome in your life. Without those setbacks, you could not
have learned what you needed to know to developed the character
and strength that you have at this point in your life.
Much of your ability to succeed comes from the way you deal
with life. Having a positive mental attitude is indispensable
for success and happiness. It is the key to success in business,
and it is vital to building strong relationships with other
people. Everyone wants to be around a positive person with a
cheerful attitude towards life. But no one wants to be around a
negative person who is always pessimistic about everything. Your
ability to develop and maintain a positive mental attitude, no
matter what the situation may be, will play a critical role in
any success you achieve.
One of the best ways to define a positive mental attitude is
having “a constructive and positive response to adversity.” It
is only when you are confronted with a setback or adversity that
you really know if you have a positive attitude or not. Anyone
can be positive when things are going well. It is only when
things are going against you, that you are able to demonstrate
to yourself and others, that you have a positive character and
personality.
One of the common characteristics of all high achieving men
and women is that they recognize the inevitability of temporary
setbacks and disappointments. They accept them as a normal and
natural part of their life. They do everything possible to avoid
problems, but when they come up, successful people learn from
them and rise above them. They continue to move forward towards
their goals.
Optimistic people develop the habit of talking to themselves
in constructive ways. Whenever they experience adversity of any
kind, they immediately describe it to themselves in a such a way
that it looses its ability to trigger negative emotions. They
are able to exert a sense of control by how they describe any
event or situation to themselves.
There is a natural tendency in all of us to react emotionally
when our expectations are frustrated in any way. When something
we wanted and hoped for fails to materialize, we feel a
temporary sense of disappointment and unhappiness. We feel hurt
and disillusioned. We react just as though we had been punched
in the “emotional solar plexus.”
A person who is positive and optimistic is resilient and
bounces back fast when he or she encounters a problem or setback
of any kind. He or she responds quickly to an adverse event and
interprets it as being temporary and only external. An
optimistic person takes full control of his or her inner
dialogue and counters any negative feelings by immediately
reframing the event so that appears positive in some way.
Since your mind can hold only one thought at a time, either
positive or negative, if you deliberately choose the positive
thought to dwell upon, you keep your mind optimistic and your
emotions positive. Since your thoughts and feelings determine
you actions, if you keep your words and thoughts positive, you
will automatically be a more positive person and move more
rapidly toward your goals.
It all comes down to the way you talk to yourself on a daily
basis. When a problem or difficulty comes up you must learn to
change your language from negative to positive. For example, you
should learn to use the word situation instead of problem. A
problem is something you wrestle and struggle with. It
represents a potential loss and difficultly. A situation, on the
other hand, is just something that you deal with. The event is
the same. But the way you interpret the event to yourself is
what makes it sound and appear completely different.
An even better word to substitute for problem is the word
challenge. When you are faced with a difficulty of any kind,
instead of saying, “I have a problem,” you should say, “I have
an interesting challenge facing me.” The word challenge is
inherently positive. It is something that you rise to and that
makes you stronger. It is again the same situation, only the
word that you are using to describe it is different. As a
result, your emotional response will be different as well.
The best of all possible words for any event or situation is
the word opportunity. When you are faced with a difficulty of
any kind, instead of saying, “I have a problem,” you should say,
“I am faced with an unexpected opportunity.” Within ever
difficulty or problem, there lies the seed of an equal or
greater opportunity or benefit. If you focus your attention on
finding out what the valuable lesson is, you will always find
it.
You should start your day in front of a mirror saying
affirmations, such as “I like myself,” “I am the best,“ and “I
can do it.” These are personal and positive affirmations that
will build your levels of self confidence and self-esteem. You
should say these affirmations out loud in front of a mirror at
least 50 times a day. By doing this, you will be driving these
new positive thoughts deep into your subconscious. At first when
you do this, you’ll feel kind of funny doing it, only because
your mind over many years has been programmed with so much
negativity that it will take time to reprogram your mind with
these new positive affirmations.
The hallmark of the truly successful and happy person is the
ability to be objective and unemotional when caught up in the
inevitable storms of daily life. The high achieving individual
has the ability to continue talking to himself or herself in a
positive and optimistic way no matter what the situation is.
They are always calm, clear, and completely under control. As a
result, they are able to exert a far greater sense of control
and influence over their environment, and are less likely to be
angry, upset, or distracted by problems or difficulties.
The starting point of becoming a more positive person is to
monitor and control your self-talk every minute of the day. Keep
your thoughts and words positive and consistent with your goals.
Keep your mind focused on what you want and on becoming the
person you want to be.
Remember that it is impossible to learn, grow and become
successful without adversity and difficulties. You must rise
above them in order to become a better person. So, welcome each
difficulty as a learning experience and look into the situation
to find something good or beneficial in it.
Always, keep your thoughts on your future and on your goals.
Constantly think about the person you want to become. When
things go wrong temporarily, respond by saying to yourself, “I
believe in the perfect outcome of every situation in my life.”
Resolve to be cheerful and pleasant in every situation. Resist
every temptation to respond to a situation negatively. View
disappointment as an opportunity to grow stronger, and talk to
yourself and others about it in a positive and optimistic way.
When you practice positive self-talk, and keep your words and
your mental pictures consistent with your goals, nothing can
stop you from being the success you are meant to be.
Copyright© 2005 by Joe Love and JLM & Associates, Inc. All
rights reserved worldwide.
Joe Love draws on his 25 years of experience helping both
individuals and companies build their businesses, increase
profits, and achieve total success. A former ad agency executive
and marketing consultant, Joe’s work in personal development
focuses on helping his clients identify hidden marketable assets
that create windfall opportunities and profits, as well as sound
personal happiness and peace.
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